So, while writing a blog yesterday to do with invite etiquette, which is still in progress and not ready for posting. One of the things you mention became a flurry of thought and I decided it needed a blog of its own.
So, before I get into it I have to mention It’s most certainly aimed at people in my life, more past life and a topic that actually been nagging at me for a while now. It’s pretty much being rearing its ugly head for a while now, and totally something I just don’t entertain because of personal experience, forget and move on. That’s until my mom mentioned it, but for the umpteenth time and I actually took notice. I’m not saying this is the exact reasoning behind long friendships terminated, but it sure as hell definitely makes a lot of sense.
The statement … “they think you will take their husbands because you single”
Is it possible the reasoning behind the fact that my lifelong friends are no more because me being single poses a threat? Could it be so simple minded and totally ridiculous?
OK so firstly this I know is a very extreme statement but I have heard the statement it’s because I’m single that I don’t crack the invite a few times but just ignored it.
Even writing this I’m hoping well if I’m wrong then maybe it will reach others who are experiencing this. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen because it very much does. I have seen and witnessed it, I just never thought I would fall into that bracket.
So, this is for the assumed home wreckers who actually are just enjoying the company of their friends.
Attention all married or dating friends, family or people I meet. Just because a person is single does not mean they are after your husbands or boyfriends or uncles or Aunts or whatever. I mean really? Are we still living such trivial close minded lives that this is the only food for thought.?
I got married young so never really got to experience being single while my friends were married or engaged. In fact, I was the only married one but still had my single friends around and it carried on as usual. Married because I could and not because I fell pregnant and was forced to.
So, married and divorced then a little while later married again. Thinking back now I remember saying to people I have friends that I only see when they’re single but when they’re involved no one else matters. So, I’m thinking they are so dedicated to that person mean while it’s because I’m a threat and don’t want me around their new Beau. Even while married after they met someone I saw them less than when they were single.
I then went through an unfortunate situation, I was widowed and flung into single hood not by choice. I think all I can say is I learnt to become very tough during that time, and 5 years later I am tougher, I don’t take shit from anyone and just don’t entertain peoples BS. It’s probably why I have very few friends and the ones I have now, saw me through my worst and lowest point of my life and never left or judged or ran. They like me for me, and surprisingly most didn’t even know what had happened, or the pain I was going through.
You know there is something to be said about being an only child. Your support structure is very flimsy so you find yourself latching onto all and sundry because we all need that person we can go to regardless of the situation and from what I have seen it’s a sibling. Yes, not all cases but in 99.8% of the time.
So, getting back to the main topic of this blog. It saddens me to have figured out the reason why I have no contact with my childhood hood friends is not because what I thought, that they had kids and I didn’t, or because they were married and I wasn’t, or because they socialize with married couples with kids and not single, motherless friends, and it’s a natural thing that happens I can deal with that and I did deal with it so it didn’t bother me if I never saw them. So now knowing it’s because I would steal their husband is just ridiculous and mind boggling.
Yes, it happens I know it does. But surely a friendship that began at toddler stage through trials and tribulations could not end because of something so trivial.
I think what makes it worse is at the worst time of my life when I needed that friend to just be there and not in the way to take over their life but just to know they there, I think that would have been so awesome. There was nothing, so when I needed a shoulder to cry on a stranger was all I had and on that I was judged too.
I could go on for days about this.
News flash ladies, me being single did not trigger a need for me to come after your man.
I just remember how awesome our social gatherings were when I was part of a married click of friends. Speaking to the husbands of my friends then was no different to me speaking to them now. My husband died, the last thing I wanted was another relationship and honestly what would the benefit have been flirting with them, I would have lost a friendship.
Funny how things turned out because I lost a friendship anyway so maybe I should have done it then that would give reason to cut me off.
Well we live and learn and I’m just glad I learnt. My alone time made me stronger and I got through the loss and pain. It made me love and appreciate being loved and appreciated and into the arms of a fantastic man.
You know what’s sad though, if any of them needed me I wouldn’t hesitate; it’s because I’m a better person and not because I forgave. I’m not a fool.
I’m just saying…