Test of true friendship … only married friends invited…

So, while writing a blog yesterday to do with invite etiquette, which is still in progress and not ready for posting. One of the things you mention became a flurry of thought and I decided it needed a blog of its own.

So, before I get into it I have to mention It’s most certainly aimed at people in my life, more past life and a topic that actually been nagging at me for a while now. It’s pretty much being rearing its ugly head for a while now, and totally something I just don’t entertain because of personal experience, forget and move on. That’s until my mom mentioned it, but for the umpteenth time and I actually took notice. I’m not saying this is the exact reasoning behind long friendships terminated, but it sure as hell definitely makes a lot of sense.

The statement … “they think you will take their husbands because you single”

Is it possible the reasoning behind the fact that my lifelong friends are no more because me being single poses a threat? Could it be so simple minded and totally ridiculous?

OK so firstly this I know is a very extreme statement but I have heard the statement it’s because I’m single that I don’t crack the invite a few times but just ignored it.

Even writing this I’m hoping well if I’m wrong then maybe it will reach others who are experiencing this. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen because it very much does. I have seen and witnessed it, I just never thought I would fall into that bracket.

So, this is for the assumed home wreckers who actually are just enjoying the company of their friends.

Attention all married or dating friends, family or people I meet. Just because a person is single does not mean they are after your husbands or boyfriends or uncles or Aunts or whatever. I mean really? Are we still living such trivial close minded lives that this is the only food for thought.?

I got married young so never really got to experience being single while my friends were married or engaged. In fact, I was the only married one but still had my single friends around and it carried on as usual. Married because I could and not because I fell pregnant and was forced to.

So, married and divorced then a little while later married again. Thinking back now I remember saying to people I have friends that I only see when they’re single but when they’re involved no one else matters. So, I’m thinking they are so dedicated to that person mean while it’s because I’m a threat and don’t want me around their new Beau. Even while married after they met someone I saw them less than when they were single.

I then went through an unfortunate situation, I was widowed and flung into single hood not by choice. I think all I can say is I learnt to become very tough during that time, and 5 years later I am tougher, I don’t take shit from anyone and just don’t entertain peoples BS. It’s probably why I have very few friends and the ones I have now, saw me through my worst and lowest point of my life and never left or judged or ran. They like me for me, and surprisingly most didn’t even know what had happened, or the pain I was going through.

You know there is something to be said about being an only child. Your support structure is very flimsy so you find yourself latching onto all and sundry because we all need that person we can go to regardless of the situation and from what I have seen it’s a sibling. Yes, not all cases but in 99.8% of the time.

So, getting back to the main topic of this blog. It saddens me to have figured out the reason why I have no contact with my childhood hood friends is not because what I thought, that they had kids and I didn’t, or because they were married and I wasn’t, or because they socialize with married couples with kids and not single, motherless friends, and it’s a natural thing that happens I can deal with that and I did deal with it so it didn’t bother me if I never saw them. So now knowing it’s because I would steal their husband is just ridiculous and mind boggling.

Yes, it happens I know it does. But surely a friendship that began at toddler stage through trials and tribulations could not end because of something so trivial.

I think what makes it worse is at the worst time of my life when I needed that friend to just be there and not in the way to take over their life but just to know they there, I think that would have been so awesome. There was nothing, so when I needed a shoulder to cry on a stranger was all I had and on that I was judged too.

I could go on for days about this.

News flash ladies, me being single did not trigger a need for me to come after your man.

I just remember how awesome our social gatherings were when I was part of a married click of friends. Speaking to the husbands of my friends then was no different to me speaking to them now. My husband died, the last thing I wanted was another relationship and honestly what would the benefit have been flirting with them, I would have lost a friendship.

Funny how things turned out because I lost a friendship anyway so maybe I should have done it then that would give reason to cut me off.

Well we live and learn and I’m just glad I learnt. My alone time made me stronger and I got through the loss and pain. It made me love and appreciate being loved and appreciated and into the arms of a fantastic man.

You know what’s sad though, if any of them needed me I wouldn’t hesitate; it’s because I’m a better person and not because I forgave. I’m not a fool.

I’m just saying…

XXX

Forgiving the past to build our future

Is our world not enough…

Change, change, change. They say “a break is as good as a holiday” but with all the changes going on, a holiday seems more like a permanent vacation.

Stop! Breath! Relax! You can do this… New day, new opportunities, switch on the TV, have to keep on top of the day to day news. What you see today will definitely change tomorrow so focus. The only way they say is “to adapt”. Which is fine and can be managed but when the changes are daily and it’s not about your life, your stresses or the other little trials and tribulations effecting our lives. No no we now dealing with Defcon 5; stuff and it’s not overseas or the other end of Africa, nope it’s here on our door steps in sunny, animal kingdom, laid back and friendly South Africa.

What happened?

It’s politics and the economy, it’s crime and warfare, corruption and scandal. It’s frightening, confusing and completely crazy at the same time. You can’t seem to get away from the madness of its not the news, it’s the social media, it’s billboards, coffee break and supermarket ques, its everywhere. You can’t escape it.

Switching on the TV or radio has become anxiety all on its own. Your daily Social media peruse is no more quirky posts and happy birthday reminders. It’s just a constant reminder of just how things have changed, bitterness and constant reminders of the issues of the past. The pressure to adapt and accept, forgive and move on drums like a beat daring you to forget. It taunts and teases you from morning until night.

It’s been years, we changed, we have become humble and truly blessed to have experienced the magnitude of such change. History in the making and we are apart of it.

Adaption… Forgiveness….what happened? The chaos of the past has effected our lives and instead of moving forward we bolting backwards.

Have we really become a country of bitterness and so much hatred that learning from mistakes has no relevance and generations who weren’t even alive during the troubling time are just been taught to hate and instead of experiencing a new rainbow nation country they Harbour pain and anger of a past they were not apart of.

It’s a difficult one to understand.

I guess I just want to switch on the news and hear how beautiful South Africa is again, how South Africans filled with strength and courage, through perseverance and forgiveness, working together, fulfilling and inspiring the world-over.

Why aren’t we creating an inspirational story, that motivates and proves that we can overcome any challenge that we faced and are ready to face. The change began with us, for the world to watch and wait. Why not change for the better and not only for ourselves but for the remembrance of our past and generations of our future.

It can only come from forgiveness and the will to see beyond the fear that binds us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgive. Love. Peace.
Xxx

Hi my name is Cindy and I’m a series addict.

Series overload.

The addiction to series is, well to say the least completely, overwhelming. Not the fact that I love series but the overwhelming feeling of loss and withdrawal when the current series ends and you left wondering how could you possibly recover and what series is next to fill the gap of wanting more from the one you watched… It’s crazy honestly.

However it’s an addiction that if I had the addictive personality, would rather have a series addiction then any other.

I think I have watched Homeland all the seasons up to date 4 or 5 times. Game of Thrones and Vikings I cant even count how many times. Lucifer, The Following, the list is endless. Recently gave Chicago fire a try and addicted to that and Gray’s Anatomy which I never thought I would ever watch, its just mental.

I also realised that I cannot watch an episode and wait a week to watch the next one, so I download all at once then have the challenge of pacing myself or I end up binge watching all night long… It’s honestly my Kryptonite.

Is it a bad thing? Well I don’t think it is unless you skipping work or responsibility to get your next episode fix or you spend your salary on data to download because you have no patience to wait for the next episode… lol sounds like it could get the better of you… I wonder if a person could get to that point? Do people like this really exist? Gamers seem more likely candidates.. Lol and how do you recover? Maybe open rehabs for series addicts where TVs are banned and any talk of series is prohibited. That’s just mental because drug rehabs keep a person occupied with TV so how do you keep the series addict occupied… With Drugs? lol

All jokes aside, any addiction is bad and of course it’s a serous situation having known people who got hooked and there with no return. I’m really just bantering here… Keeping life funny I Guess.

So yes I’m definitely guilty for advertising a series I love on FB to influence friends to watch it and get excited at hearing who is watching what and to find the next download. I don’t get people who hate watching TV so having a conversation with them is for me so futile, you just hope you find that common ground that doesn’t involve the box or big screen. You hoping that your little bit of everything else gets you through the interaction because while you get your time-limited basic info from the News on TV, they’re getting the actual story and more from newspapers and the Internet.

Then again you could just skip all that and let them talk about their job or other things that you just don’t know how to talk about, well you probably do but don’t throw that funny one liner in because they won’t get it.

Each to their own no judgement, but I have met a handful and honestly found it difficult to have a conversation. I could not quote a famous line or get excited over going to see a real cool movie in VIP. It’s just challenging to say the least so I end up just listening to them and adding a comment here and there so we can connect on some level.

Yes and I know we are referred to as couch potatoes or being lazy and yes have been told how boring it must be and yes reminded of how much of life I’m missing out on… Lol have you read my blog? I have had many adventures and more, I work all day and sleep at night and still make time for a series or two.

I do find the movie and series buffs seem to have more light-hearted look on life. I mean a Comedy can make you laugh and animation feel young at heart. That horror that gets your heart pumping or the thriller that keeps your mind guessing, it’s just a place to switch off from reality of what’s actually going on. It’s a place where you suspend your disbelief and live in that imaginative world that keeps you safe and happy inside.

Im just saying. No judgment at all… It’s just a funny way of looking at life.

XXX

Blonde again and why not? Just a blah blah blah

So blonde is my natural colour, ok in all honesty who can actually say natural blonde unless you’re living in the Caribbean. So technically natural blondes are actually mouse brown and darker from the day you put that first colour on… It’s downhill from there because it becomes an addiction.

So lucky me I can change from short hair to Bob to shoulder length but in truth I love the pixie, short, so much I never get to shoulder length and just cut it off.

What I find funny is and this always happens… For example my ex husband met me short pixie cut blonde hair and when we began dating constantly nagged me to darken it and grow it. He hated short hair and most of all blonde… But that’s how he met me…

So I tried but honestly was more effort then fun, we split up and the day we divorced I treated myself to a chop chop and felt like me again. Later that day we met for our ritual drink and and when he saw me said how fantastic I looked and back to the Cindy he met and fell in love with… Go figure… Lol

The divorce was amicable so yeah nothing weird about having that weekly drink with your ex. I can sense the absolute confusion anyone reading this would think…

Another day another story.

So after 4 years mourning his death I pretty much kept to myself watching series and keeping to myself. My hair was short and jet black which suited my mood to a tee.

Enter my BF, Ragnar, 8 months later and totally happy and low and behold the attempts to get me to grow my hair and keep it dark lasted exactly 8 months as on my Birthday I went back to blonde and cut it short.  Well it was a shock for him and everyone else but in the end loved by everyone which kind of surprised me.

I love it, it’s me and keeping everyone in anticipation as to what’s next…

My current dilemma is creating the perfect shade of silver shampoo to keep the blonde blonde and not accidentally leaving on for too long that tones of violet or lilac prominently show… Lol at least I’m not dull.

I’m just saying

XXX

The funny things you see on a flight

The things you notice on a flight…
So this morning I took a quick trip to Durban for a meeting. Day meeting so fly in and fly out.

I take my seat, they check my boarding pass after I’m seated, guess first time for everything and in front of me by chance notice a guy browsing on his iPhone and upon closer inspection notice he is checking out guns.

Now really each to their own and really not my business but how often do you see someone browsing guns. The funny thing is not that it was guns it was the type of guns, AK47s, and DM4’s, I mean everything chaotic like that.

What was more disturbing was the icon BUY was clicked so many times and so quickly it was clear this man was on a mission. For what? Makes you wonder. What war is raging on within mind or is he a collector maybe or a arms dealer?  Regardless. his effortless purchases of these machines of war was done with such ease and thoughtlessness it was clear he knew exactly what he wanted.

Now if only I could get the preaching behind me switched off. From one extreme to the next I have a guy behind me working his way through his opinion of life, positivity and all that is good clearly from experience which don’t get me wrong, positivity goes a long way especially in this cruel world but dammit time and place time and place.

God is good and life is great but do we have to hear about it in such a confined space for an hour. Trick is don’t make eye contact because he is looking for anyone who will listen.

Here is an idea put lord of war and god of peace next to each other and maybe they can help each other on what they trying to express.

I’m just saying

XXX

Somethings I have learnt and still learning…

Things I have learnt up to now.

What happens today may not happen tomorrow or the same daily routine you have followed for weeks. Months or even years without any warning will change and leaves you in chaos.

In freight, we refer to rates as volatile because unlike years ago, rates were valid for a year and nothing could change it. Today it’s chaos it changes daily and can only be valid month to month.

That’s life, isn’t it? I mean if you sit and think back to a few years back, maybe 5 or maybe 10 and you will notice how things have changed. Not the obvious changes like price hikes and vat increase, no I’m talking about people. Friends, family, husbands and wives even kids, even work colleagues or acquaintances things have definitely changed. It’s as if human beings aren’t acting human anymore. Emotions seem to be null and void and WhatsApping rather than face to face has taken over.

It’s not strangers or acquaintances or even work colleagues, this is spouses or partners. Family and friends who have forgotten what a conversation is all about and rely on social media. It’s completely left us disconnected that sending your husband a lengthy very well presented WhatsApp message of matters of the heart rather than sitting face to face.

Has it really become that? We’ve lost the ability to talk, just talk.

Even friends come and go and I think back now of the childhood friends I had, blood sisters and all of that. Declaring to remain friends for life no matter what….

Yes, I look back because those friends are all gone. Living their own lives, their own friends and in a day everything has changed.

Meeting new people can be extremely volatile and chaotic. Having to trust someone new in the hope they are genuine and could never happen to you that they just con’s or users. I have learnt the hard way, from the actual con to the butter doesn’t melt in their mouth person. I saw the con coming and prepared myself but the other a complete surprise.

So, we don’t put ourselves out there or we take the chance in the hope that it could be real. We become hermits locked in our worlds to keep the others out and in the end the loneliness consumes us until we are forced to put ourselves back out there bitter and broken and end up meeting the exact people we’ve being trying to avoid.

I have had the best friendships and relationships with people I just met and I’ve been badly hurt by the ones I knew my whole life… You just never know and never see it coming.

You can’t shut out the world you can only adapt and be weary and in this case, appreciate the social media frenzy in using the tools to get to know someone before attempting to meet them. Then again those haven’t worked out to well either in cases you hear daily.

WE have to just realize that people and the world and the life we lived 10 years ago, is different. We’ve become tougher and harder and becoming more and more of “each for themselves society”. I don’t say join the forces but try to be street smart and vigilant.

Keep the face to face conversations for family and friends and especially spouses and partners because face to face anything is possible and that interaction can only be good for you.

And the rest… Social media and keep the communication clear and trust that intuition. Honestly has it ever been wrong and how many more times do you want to get burned.

WE live we regret or loose and we learn… Most of the time. We are only human after all… remember to breath and then down that glass of Merlot.

I love you…

What we take for granted.

What we take for granted.

The realisation while watching a silly advert on T.V., of a pregnant lady taking a bite of a cracker and she feels her baby move.

That feeling is something I will never experience.

My heart strings pull as I watch this scene and of course its not the first time I’ve been through it. Through the years I think I played the situation down, using the excuse I didn’t want children or I’m glad I never had. What else do you say ?

Funny how life is and just how much of a sense of humour you need to survive it. Even the most natural normal human expectation of life…and I never got the chance. I will never feel that expectation of expecting, what mother’s to be suffer through and complain about will be something I only wish for. The unforgettable labour pains, sleepless nights, baby weight, no more freedom and the cost of having a child, I will never experience that… in the end I hear the same comment… its all worth it!

I will never know will I…

Still in hope of a dream…

Im just saying

Action VS chick flicks

Crazy, stupid, love….

Just like the movie it’s exactly how life is isn’t it?

Ragnar prefers the action and refers to everything else as a chick flick, like so many of the boys out there say.

My argument is this… Those love stories those romcoms, from The Notebook to Twilight to Dirty Dancing we all love a feel good, happily ever after movie.

Action is yes the rough, cage fighting sometimes totally ridiculous far fetched skop skit en donner, a man needs. Us girls need it too sometimes, but in reality it is all about the love. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, the mush mash between after the obvious crush the shyness and and and, until they finally realise they meant to be. Yes I get it, it doesn’t happen all the time or that vampires don’t actually exist and all that, but there are people out there who it actually has happened to, chance, fate, kindred spirits, twin flames, and yes there are ones who believe vampires and that werewolves do exist. The point is no matter what there is always a story of love and the adventure they went on to get there.

So Ragnar says action all the way, and of course I asked why.

Why action?
Why don’t you like romcoms and love?

He replies, because it’s interesting, there is always something going on and it’s an adventure. Romcoms are fairy-tales and a false sense of what actual love is.

Well that got me thinking…. Mmmmm maybe that’s the problem, ok not a problem that’s too harsh, maybe that’s the reason men will be men, why affairs happen or they constantly on the move. Life needs to be exciting like the action movies they watch, otherwise it’s dull and boring.

While us girls sit and giggle and cry over a silly love story they are rolling their eyes and completely bored by what they been forced to watch.

We been living in a fairy-tale since we first heard our fairy-tale story. When you hear my name the first thing you think of is Cinderella.

Yes maybe it seems far fetched but it brings warmth to our hearts, just when we give up or feeling down, nothing like a Romcom to make you feel better.

OK I know I’m generalizing here, because not all men and women are like this. Honestly show me a girl who doesn’t want to be swept off her feet and have her happily ever after and do not tell me men are not romantic enough to go that extra mile to sweep her off her feet and declare his undying love.

Life has changed us, our hearts have been altered and we still get brutally hurt when it comes to love. However, how can you feel the hurt of you never love? What gives us that spring in our step and ridiculous smile on our faces?

Money can buy the world but it cannot buy love or emotion. That’s why you hear of rich men or women getting screwed over by a person who they believed loved them and they undeniably loved them back, again not all but most of the time.

You can’t fight it, you can’t even match it because it will hit you from a side you never saw coming and it happens to us all.

My theory is a man would be stupid not to watch a love romcom with his girlfriend or lover or wife because while watching it she is living the moment of that movie and imaging her love in the movie with her. Lol hopefully it’s with her boyfriend or husband or whatever and not imagining someone else, but you get the point.

I guess what I’m saying is don’t know those romcom boys, love makes the world go round and honestly it’s going to make her feel all happy and fuzzy inside for you and as much as you deny it you enjoy it too.

Keep loving my sweets

I love you

XXX

A Royal wedding

The Royal Betrothal… A fairy-tale

Regardless of the annoyance, you can’t dispute the fact that everyone is talking about the Royal Wedding. So, whether you are into it or not, whether you are a romantic or not, you have heard of it. Radio, social media, news, colleague’s family, friends etc. etc… You get my drift.

The point is no matter what, no matter how cold hearted or hard hearted you are, a wedding is a wedding, love is love and a Royal Wedding is a fairy-tale.

All girls want to feel like a princess and all boys want to feel like a prince and what day is more perfect, what occasion becomes all about you, where you’re put on a pedestal aka inauguration aka your ceremony where she is dressed like a princess and he is dressed as her prince, sitting at the main table everyone, the guests’ eyes on you aka the throne, King and Queen, sitting side by side. First dance, throwing bouquet, cutting cake whatever, it is all eyes on the couple. Family and friends fussing about, from the day of engagement to the day of I do… It’s based on a fairy-tale and it works.

We all want something to believe in, we all want to fall in love and we all want to feel like Royalty so why not let the British Royal family carry on with their traditions giving us the eternal feeling of love and being in love, royal style.

Of course, I would end this by saying it should never end there because you need to be, and live, and treat each other like the Kings and Queens that you are.

So, in true Royal Blue love and in honour of my grandfather who is a Phillips who was born and bred British style keep believing in those fairy-tales…

I love you

Xxx

To Mom’s out there and the spark of another tongue wagging post…

Mother’s Day…a day of celebration but also a situation that inspired an additional post.

So of course, what a blessed day to show the love and appreciation we have for our Moms. Yes, it should be everyday but come on we can all agree this one Sunday out of the year is extra special, you get to tell your mom things you never had a chance to because things get so busy, or you spoil her that little extra to show how much you love and appreciate so why not this one day. The cynics will tell you “it’s a money thing” or “it’s commercial” I say so what! Life is busy and we want to spoil our moms everyday but life just gets away from us and at least this day there is no excuse and above all they deserve it.

So, I have a mom and so blessed very much a part of my life everyday which I’m so grateful for… It’s no secret I am not only very attached to my mom and dad but also an only child so life without them is just not even considered. I moved back to JHB and one of the reasons is I want to spend my life with Ragnar with my folks, yes, they drive me nuts but they mine and I love them.

I’ve also been very lucky to have gained another mom and dad through Ragnar, his parents are just ridiculously awesome too and fell in love with them so quickly it feels like they been a part of my life forever.

So, Mother’s Day is Mother’s Day and such a beautiful day to honour our moms. I also want to say to the sons and daughters whose mommies are in heaven, well it inspires us to love and appreciate having our moms around. My heart goes out to you all.

So, this isn’t even what inspired me to write my blog tonight. Something sad, a topic close to my heart but also very apt that it came up today on Mother’s Day.

So here we go…

Suicide has reared its ugly head once again, every day we hear of another one, I guess the one I heard of recently which was a close friend of my dearest friend. His photo was one of pure joy and happiness but unless you going through it, you can never know ultimately what pushes them to that literal final breath. So, my dear friend has been very sad and of course he would be, I been trying to be the best friend I can be to check in with him, see how he is doing as a friend would do. Through the conversation wondering why someone does it is always a question our curious minds want to find out and through the convos my friend kept saying the same words over and over again… He left two children behind. I realised that this was the biggest issue he had regarding his friend’s death and rightfully so, but my issue was why did he do it. How bad were things for him to have done it and what torment was his poor soul going through at the time and for how long? And still I kept hearing about the kids and how could he do that to them… Which brings me to this blog.

So, this may set a few tongues of disapproval wagging and its ok, after all its my thoughts and feelings so it’s fair game.

Suicide is awful and been the person left behind is left with many scars and many angry thoughts, which you learn to accept and live with rather than forget and move on. Moving on is a breakthrough and a blessing. So, what bothered me was hearing how angry everyone is because this man left his kids behind, took his own life and what about the kids. For anyone to take their life is a decision so great that the thought and worry about anyone else is not even part of the equation. So, what are we living for… Our kids apparently. I don’t have kids, I wasn’t blessed to have them but that’s my own demons I live with daily. My question is what about his wife, the kid’s mom, or his parents have they not lost a husband and son. Are they not also a reason to keep living for…? That right there is the problem in this day and age. We all so close to pushing ourselves over the suicide edge but hang on each day for our kids. Whatever happened to staying alive because we love life, because of who we are and what we add to it. Yes, things are tough, life is cruel but have we really forgotten ourselves and loving ourselves and putting ourselves first in this life to make it worth living.

Too many times I have heard people are only hanging on for their kids… Really? So, that begs the question what am I living for?

Kids are beautiful and our creation and an extension of who we are, a little life we bring into this world who we love and treasure and will protect with our lives. I get it! I do and always said it’s a good thing I don’t have a child because I would over love him or her never let them out of my sight and kill anyone who hurts them.

But… What about the adults, the partner, lover, husband or wife you chose to have in your life, your parents who brought you into this world and gave you an upbringing to the best to their ability, everyone has forgotten them and it’s all about the kids now.

I’m just saying… Maybe if couples or people put each other first, like when they dated and got married and bring up their kids together as that unit that began the journey then maybe there would be less divorces or break ups or or or… The list is endless. And yes, I get that how would I know because I don’t have kids but I do know many of you going through this and the one thing that’s consistent is by putting the kids first they have forgotten about each other and to love each other; how to be a couple. I know it’s hard, I know times have changed, but has it changed so drastically that we forgot each other…

I’m just saying

Remember I love you and we are all only human.

XXX