You Don’t Own Me…








You know that scene from Suicide Squad where Harley Quinn is just hanging around and swinging behind her prison bars.  Too content with the madness that made her Harley Quinn the madness being The Joker.

While she is swinging, fixated in her own world there is a song playing in the background.  An all to familiar song but most of us know from a scene in Dirty Dancing, we have danced to it, probably sang to it a million times and never  meant anything just that song in a 80’s classic movie.

However, this rendition of the song that Harley Quinn swings to, you can feel the words and the tune pulsating through your veins and it changes the entire story line of the song.  One song, two movies and two very different meanings…

This version of You Don’t Own Me the original version spoke more to me then the version I heard watching Dirty Dancing 30+ years ago.  Then it was oooh Patrick Swayze in all his glory and the love story unfolding between him and Jennifer Grey.  Up beat and foot tapping, fun at parties and fun to sing along to.

Que Lesley Gore and Suicide Squad and the song speaks differently, the words now have meaning and suddenly you realise this song is about you.

No one should have the right to treat someone they love like they own them.  Exactly like the song says

“don’t tell me what to do and don’t tell me what to say, please when I go out with you don’t put me on display”

“I’m young and I love to be young, I’m free and I love to be free.  To live my life the way I want, to say and do whatever I please “. I know these words so well I didn’t even have to look up the lyrics.

This has pretty much been a fact in my marriages and relationships.  I allowed him to own me to disrespect me and treat me like a toy because I never said I disagreed with it.  In truth I never actually knew it was wrong until meeting someone recently and them not having a hold over me and letting me do whatever I wanted.  I thought there was something wrong with this person and couldn’t understand why they didn’t care or love me enough but they did it was just a different love.   Freedom and respect and honesty.   He trusts me and let’s me think for myself and do for myself which is very different to what I’m use to.

So now I realised I like this feeling, I like feeling free and I like that I finally found what I been looking for and what  love means to me.



Ok here are the lyrics:
You don’t own me
You don’t own me

Woah, let’s go
But I’m Gerald and I can always have just what I want
She’s that baddest I would love to flaunt
Take her shopping, you know Yves Saint Laurent
But nope, she ain’t with it though
All because she got her own dough
Boss bossed if you don’t know
She could never ever be a broke ho

You don’t own me
I’m not just one of your many toys
You don’t own me
Don’t say I can’t go with other boys

Don’t tell me what to do
And don’t tell me what to say
Please, when I go out with you
Don’t put me on display

You don’t own me
Don’t try to change me in any way
You don’t own me
Don’t tie me down ’cause I’d never stay

Don’t tell me what to do
And don’t tell me what to say
Please, when I go out with you
Don’t put me on display

R-r-r-really though, honestly
I get bored of basic bitches
She’s the baddest, straight up vicious, texting her asking her
If she’s alone and if she’d sent some pictures, she said no (what)
Well goddamn, she said come over and see it for yourself
Never asking for your help, independent woman
She ain’t for the shelf
No, she’s the one
Smoke with her till the weed is gone
Stayin’ up until we see the sun
Baddest ever, I swear she do it better than I’ve ever seen it done
Never borrow, she ain’t ever loan
That’s when she told me she ain’t never ever ever ever gonna be owned

I don’t tell you what to say
I don’t tell you what to do
So just let me be myself
That’s all I ask of you
I’m young and I love to be young
I’m free and I love to be free
To live my life the way I want
To say and do whatever I please

Hey hey (you don’t own me) oh, no



Morning snippet…

Good Morning.
Be confident. Too many days are wasted comparing ourselves to others and wishing to be something we aren’t. Everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it’s only when you accept everything you are, and aren’t, that you will truly succeed.
Have a fantastic day.








Going into the Matrix…

So I thought after the events of tonight how can I not blog this stuff.  Day in the life of Cindy.

I was booked off today with flu and exhaustion, so yes exerting oneself like running 2.5km after not running in 3 years probably wasn’t such a great idea.  It won’t hinder me though because as soon as I’m better I’m back on the road.

So pretty much for the last 3 days have been in bed, watching series and getting better. Eventually decided today I needed meds to get me through the last bit of the sniffles and already feel better.

So looking at my meds already that was a laugh on its own… The second I saw them I burst into a fit of laughter and the words “take the blue one. No take the red one”, popped into my mind.

Does my doctor know the dilemma he put me through, I’m running a fever for goodness sake I’m allowed to have this Matrix moment.  So which one do I take? Mmmm… Decided on both because not only was it instructed by my doctor and not the Matrix pills but proper medication, of course I know this so I was content with that either  one of them would take me to the Matrix and hopefully see Keanu Reeves…. Lol.  And agree he is a moronic Actor but very easy on the eye.  So either way I win, and if anything after this crazy thought process would definitely be dreaming of the Matrix and Mr yum yum.

So I popped the pills took a sip of tea and closed my eyes for a second.  Well that’s all it took because after opening my eyes I noticed the one little container of pills was missing. I thought I was going mad and took one second to slip out of calmness into thinking I had lost my mind. Were there 4 containers or 3, always going back to definitely 4.  Oh no…

Then I realised Princess Chloé was not around and very very quiet…  In fact way too quiet and if anyone has a Boarder Collie puppy then you would know how mischievous these little furry fluff balls can be.

Yip I was right she had very stealthily stolen the tablets and sat behind the curtain gobbling them down.  Now anyone in this situation would be freaking out calling the vet or trying to stomach pump their dog but I was calm and relaxed and all I kept thinking well at least she wouldn’t have flu tomorrow. Lol… Bad joke I know.

It was then I realised she had gobbled up the homeopathic calming tablets and knew this because of how calm I was feeling.  Honestly it would really be the best night of my life because I would probably get the best sleep ever considering she would be passed out… She is a typical baby keeps me up and wakes me 3 to 4 times a night which I’m use to.  We all have the moments of insane thoughts and this was mine… Ok besides the Matrix and images if kissing Keanu Reeves. Lol… This was now turning out to be a Monty Python thought process.

I’m laying with her now, given her some milk and sugar and will definitely be a awake watching over my Princess Chloé.  She is my four legged fluffy child of course I was only kidding earlier. Lol

So good bye Matrix and Keanu, goodbye slumber… It’s worth it though because  she gets to lie in my arms and I get to look after her.  Ok cuddle her a little too much because I never get another chance, she hates to be held.


I Love You


Dr Gregory House giving us hope…

A beautiful and stunning rendition of the song “Beautiful”, sung also by Christina Aguilera but definitely not better then the Elvis Costello one.

I heard it while watching a episode of House Season 2. I started at the beginning again and remember how much I enjoy the quirks of Dr Gregory House.

No matter what his condition is and how bitter his heart is, and maybe it is his arrogance and vanity, but he still cures his patients no matter what.  He goes to the depths of Medicine to find the cause of their conditions and fixes them. Yes it’s just a series but I remember being a House case when I was 17 years old. Was in hospital for a week while the doctors poked and prodded me to find out what was wrong.  Happy to say it was a success, I was diagnosed, medicated and healthy today.

There’s hope in everything even a episode of House.










It’s Amazing… Desperate hearts tonight.


I kept the right ones out
And let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins
There were times in my life
When I was goin’ insane
Tryin’ to walk through
The pain
When I lost my grip
And I hit the floor
Yeah,I thought I could leave but couldn’t get out the door
I was so sick and tired
Of livin’ a lie
I was wishin that I
Would die

It’s Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It’s Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you’ll be alright
It’s Amazing
And I’m sayin’ a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight

That one last shot’s a Permanent Vacation
And how high can you fly with broken wings?
Life’s a journey not a destination
And I just can’t tell just what tomorrow brings

You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk
But I just couldn’t listen to all that righteous talk, oh yeah
I was out on the street,
Just tryin’ to survive
Scratchin’ to stay

Desperate hearts, desperate hearts





My definition of a coward?

  • More and more every day just when I think I couldn’t get surprised by the actions of people, I get knocked over again.  I love surprises don’t get me wrong but gift surprises with sparkles and happiness, not the kind that requires some form of asshole alert to be engraved on thier foreheads to warn everyone.   So of course asshole, jackass, village idiot whatever you want to call these individuals, my best description of them is the coward.

I use to call my ex, Clinton, a coward for committing suicide, everyone called him that.  However, is it really cowardly to take your own life? I think it takes guts and yes damn selfish but definitely not a coward.

My definition of a coward, to realise your issues are of your own creation and the chaos of your own doing, and admiting to the fact but choosing not to do anything about it.  No fight, whether  it’s to fight for for life or fight for death.

I’m not saying anyone has the right to kill themselves, absolutely not, I’m saying if you made decisions that are the product of your failures in life then fix the problems.  Live a happier life and you will be a better happier person.

So I’m just sayin… these people who hide behind the emotional capacity to fight for themselves and fix their mistakes would rather  carry on being miserable and thrive on looking for attention from everyone around.   They don’t want to fight or be motivated or get through their issues instead they adopt the coward move and rather live off others feeling sorry for them.

There is saying…







The worst part of these cowards is there excuses for their actions.  They know they a screw up or they are the cause of their issues and, and, and… But where they fail Is by giving false hope and being upfront about just what  a mess their life is, they hook, line and then sink the relationship or friendship knowing full well what they doing.

It’s a game and it’s played not by gamers having fun but cowards who are wanting people to feel as bad and low as they do.  They can’t be happy with anyone else being happy, they have to take everyone down to their miserable level.

We all have issues and we all lived through some tragedy in our lives.  We are positive, we are happy and the one thing we work hard at everyday is not to bring people around us to that emotion.  We fight for happiness and life and only want others to be happy and full of life around us.

Once a coward always a coward and I choose not to be one or associate  with  any.  I have come far in my life to have the right to make that decision.


I’m just saying!






Back on the run…

So excited I started running again today. Since being back in Joburg for 3 years of have tried to get back into it but after one session running in my neighborhood I think the neighbors thought I was been attacked or robbed, I mean why would anyone be running, especially in Joburg.  Cape Town is just so beautiful and scenic that it alone motivates you to get outside.

Okay so I only completed 2.5km this morning and I felt like my heart was going to come to a abrupt stop because of the trauma and shock I was putting it through.

3 years ago I was easily running 5km a day, no heavy breathing or feeling like my body was possessed by a demon.  I was fit and healthy and the adrenaline from running was the best feeling my body felt… Well the second best feeling… After 3 years oh my goodness, it was tough.

Admittedly we walked a little and then ran a little and for a first time effort I thought I did terribly.  So now it’s my mission to get back into the running game, start a little a day and work back to my 5km daily push.  When we finished, those all familiar endorphins kicked in and I knew I definitely could get back into this.

So starts my new challenge of getting fit and healthy again and yes through the one thing that no body thought I could physically, mentally and emotionally do.

Like Nike says “just do it” – so corny I know

Thank you dear friend for the suggestion to join you this morning, thoroughly enjoyed myself.




A Million Lights…

Lyrics – A Million Lights Tree63

Can we hand out tonight
Underneath Your ceiling
I could stare up at a million lights
And listen to You breathing
If I fall fast asleep
It’s just because I feel
So safe in You
It won’t take much to wake me up
Could I walk out to sea way
Beyond these breakers
We have no place amongst
The movers and the shakers

Yours is the only throne
I’ll ever get down
On my knees before
You have the whole of me
Lover come away
Come away my lover
I heard You say
You’ve stolen my heart with
One glance of Your eyes when I fell down
You raised me up that’s gravity
Yours is the only throne
I’ll ever get down
On my knees before
You have the whole of me
Lover come away
When I fell down
You were standing there waiting for me
You raised me up, welcomed me home
That’s gravity
Won’t You come away
Won’t You come away with my
Lover of my soul
Read more: Tree63 – A Million Lights Lyrics | MetroLyrics

I Love You

  1. XXX




Would you die for me? Would you live for me?

“Will you die for me?… Wait, or will you live for me?” Jokers famous words to Harley Quinn before she throws herself into the vat of acid, because she loves Joker unconditionally.

I was sitting across the room and when our eyes met everything around us dissolved. The laughter and voices faded away, the chaos of people mulling about the open room dissapeared… That one second our eyes met I knew it was over.  Everything that ever made sense, every rule written about how I would find my true love and every thought I ever had about why things never worked out just as I imagined, finally in that second it all came together.  Right there, right in front of me was my hope, my dream my desire of the person I had been looking for.  At that very point only one word resonated with the mayhem that took over every sense of my mind, body and soul. Soulmate!

I never believed it could be true but there he was right in front of me and without a single word we knew we both felt it.  It’s beyond butterflies.  It’s beyond comprehension. It’s beyond reasonable doubt. It’s beyond right and wrong. Its beyond fairytales of once upon a time and happily ever after… It’s beyond any experience I have ever lived through or anyone I ever loved. Soulmate!

Of course happy endings are not like the ones you read about. There were obstacles and still are. It was exactly 7 months ago and today the realisation hit me at full force, bringing me to my knees. I was and still am completely in love with this man and no matter what my intentions were to move forward, I knew it was futile.  Soulmate!

The truth is I knew this all along but never believed it.  I pushed it into the back of my mind and tried to forget  him.  I put myself out there to meet someone else, to find my happy ending and live happily ever after.  It was never going to happen and not fair to the next person if I couldn’t love them with all my heart.  How could I when this man already had it.  Soulmate!

So the question, what do I do?

They say if you set the one you love free, if they love you they will come back.  This was nothing like that.  Setting him free made no sense because meeting him was not within conforms of society.  But I did set him free, I let him go, to carry on and live the life he was living.  7 months later and I just can’t do that anymore.  I can’t pretend he doesn’t exist, I can’t pretend we never met.  Even the realisation of how much I love this man… It’s incomprehensible.  No word can describe it and all I can say is he is and forever will be my Soulmate!

So do Soulmates exist?

Absolutely! If it hadn’t happened to me I would never have believed it myself.

You will know when you meet yours.  They come without warning, step into your life and it’s chaos.  Good chaos!  No rhyme or reason they do exist and you will meet each other in the strangest of places at the craziest of times.

Will I die for you?  Being without you feels close to dying… So I’m already there, I have been dying a slow death these past 7 months.

Will I live for you? Absolutely and I’m not going to stop hoping and believing all our dreams and wishes will come true.  That God and all that is great will bring us together.


I love you