So I am beyond anger and disappointment, just tired of how the opinion of others seems to not even a suggestion of an opinion but a “well I am giving you my opinion and you better just do it or listen to me” … I mean what the hell is going on. I don’t want your opinion on who I should be or shouldn’t be or what i am or not doing right. I think at 40 I have the basics of right and wrong and exactly where I should be and what I should be doing.
I’m sorry I had no idea your name was Cindy Visser and that you wake up every morning and go to sleep every night living in her mind and know exactly what she wants. I honestly have run out of time and patience and just been nice.
I’m in shock of all horrors when I was recently propositioned by a friend of mine who is married. When I said no he freaked out… but not even a little freak out this was epic. I had to block him from WhatsApp and Facebook and he somehow made it sound like I am wrong and giving up an opportunity of a life time with him and what am I thinking. Or the best was… I don’t know what I want. Ummmm, actually yes I do and having extra marital relations with someone who is married is not one of them and the worst of it all is that he knew I am seeing someone. Which for me was even more disrespectful, so because your life is a f*&# up don’t take me down with you.
So I wondered to myself what is going on… maybe it is me. Maybe I am giving off the wrong signals or sending them messages in my sleep telling them I want them and yes it is OK for us to sleep together even though you married. It just dawned on me I am just too damn friendly, and when the shit does hit the fan don’t have the filter to say “go to hell” or “go f*$# yourself” no I just laugh and shrug it off and it seems its another move I have made to make them think I want this.
It’s sad really, because the one thing we do lack is a smile and sense of humour in this dark world we live in. I am open minded and fun and always going to laugh at your stupid random jokes even though you’re not funny. Why? because its just who I am and don’t want you to feel like a prat when no one else is laughing. But hell no I am in no way desperate to sleep with a married man or any other man unless I actually tell you I am interested. FFS I am confident enough that I will let you know, I don’t hide behind comments and flirts in the hope you know. If I am friendly it is genuinely because I like your company and enjoy your jokes. I have a warped mind, I swear a lot… and tend to let things come out my head while talking without thinking, now I know how Bridget Jones felt. Its me, I’m not going to be anything other then me.
Unfortunately though and yes quite sad indeed but being this happy (fake smile) is not actually making me happy and opening more of those doors that quiet frankly would rather leave bolted tightly shut. Too many outside issues and invitations that just lead to more complications and retarded situations that I never asked for in the first place.
So chin up and eyes front and yes smile on my face, while I loom in the darkness just observing. Its safer its easier and it sure is well helps dealing with egotistical people who think they know how to handle every situation that i have been in and who can apparently write a book on how to live my life.
So my holiday from unicorns, sparkles and fairy dust has begun and looking forward to the darkness, the dragons and all things bleak.
So no from now on I will not play well with others. Yes I may not splash it all over social media that I am in a relationship, but why should I? Ask me and I will tell you and anyone who has I have very much informed them I am involved.
This rant was awesome… I feel instantly elated I got it all out there and once again proves being nasty, bratty and full of shit is the way to be these days because no one deserves a smile or a little niceness along the way.
XXX
Mrs Nice Girl has left the building…