It’s a miracle… Or isn’t it?


In a space and time continuem. When all we rely on and live for is hope and dreams and the possibilities of what they will bring.  Then the possibility becomes a reality and a miracle happens.  Mankind is too self absorbed to even recognize a miracle and takes chaos, absurdity and accidents to see it.

We are human and we make mistakes and we know that, but do we actually see the miracle when it comes our way or do we thrive and live so in the chaos that we miss it.  There are miracles everywhere that we look and the trick is to actually see it and recognize it without having to endure the madness and chaos… But then again do we need that chaos to bring a miracle and that being the only way to see it as a miracle? It wouldn’t be a miracle if there wasn’t chaos or accidents in my opinion then it would just be a normal happy day with good things happening and definitely not a miracle.

“Thermodynamic miracles… events with odds against so astronomical they’re effectively impossible, like oxygen spontaneously becoming gold. I long to observe such a thing.
And yet, in each human coupling, a thousand million sperm vie for a single egg. Multiply those odds by countless generations, against the odds of your ancestors being alive; meeting; siring this precise son; that exact daughter… Until your mother loves a man she has every reason to hate, and of that union, of the thousand million children competing for fertilization, it was you, only you, that emerged. To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, like turning air to gold… that is the crowning unlikelihood. The thermodynamic miracle.”
– Dr. Manhattan

Miracles are not dependent on belief, but on reality. It is dependent on the observer and vantage point. Being naked in Antartica is a death sentence, but being naked with a lover a miracle.
The question you should always ask yourself is: “How many things had to go wrong for this miracle to happen? How many things had to happen for two people to meet?”

I’m just saying…

Xxx

Remember the Days…

Remember the days at school?  Growing up, feeling vulnerable and naive to the world, the feelings and the expectations of what your life has in store for you?

Remember that first crush you had with that boy or girl, too popular for you, and you never moved in the same circles and you were too deathly shy to even let on that you liked them.

Then the awkward stage starts where you can’t even look at them without blushing or hiding away. Your silliness making you look even sillier in their eyes because firstly they don’t even know you exist and secondly you just look stupid looking stupid which alienates you even further from them…

Those cruel awkward moment that we all lived through and not just for a day or a week but a whole school year or two.

I remember my first crush, primary school and he hung around with the brother of my best friend who we all hung around together and it was torture. This boy couldn’t even look at me or ask me a question or even just say hello and my cheeks would inflame, my legs become weak and I just burst out laughing, I looked ridiculously retarded and in no way was he ever going to like me.  I threw myself into my books and whenever we “hung” out, I just remained quiet and shy and that is how everyone knew me.

When I got to high school that was even worse, he was in std 9 and I was in std 6… oh the hell that I went through for two and half years was beyond comprehensible.  Not only was he a crush, but was friends with the friends that I grew up with and just happened to live next door to my cousin/best friend.  Lol come to think of it they all enjoyed teasing me about him and well at least I can say I gave them all something to laugh about a school.  I think he actually found out I did like him but I was still that shy ridiculous school girl that would still stammer and stutter on every word, would die of red inflamed cheeks and silly giggles… I was just a complicated mess really and the whole period of having a crush at school was not as fun as what its made out to be.

No eating, no spending time with my parents, just hibernating in my room listening to pathetic love songs, reading pathetic teenage love books and wishing and dreaming that this boy would even realize I existed.

So, years later and very much well into my adulthood with so much confidence it now scares the boys or should I say men away… lol no just kidding. Still all these years later and at 40 I find myself back where I started with a crush, where I twirl my hair when he talks to me or looks at me, I giggle ridiculously at the stupidest of things, I still blush like I did as a young girl maybe even more so now and honestly the things I say and do are just plain silly… what’s different… well I have more confidence, my crush knows I like him and without hiding behind my books and listening to love songs I am talking to him and telling him exactly how I feel.

 

 

 

 

 

So now I know why Foreigner has been playing in my head and apparently everyday on my iPhone and I now know why I feel so ridiculously happy with life.

I like having a crush at 40 and still feeling like school girl …

XXX

 

 

 

Crazy for love…

There is always that one, that they say, that we meet.   The person our heart and soul connects with from the word go.  The one who mends the broken bits of our eternal shattered hearts, some lucky not to live through it others not so lucky.  The one who we change bad habits for because they are the one worth changing for.  The point is there is that someone, its true.  All the stories you read about, all the movies you watch or all the songs no matter how old or new, has that story to tell of finding that one.

It’s not all roses and sunshine of course.  Don’t be fooled as they also show up as wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing and yes maybe we not nearly as intuitive as we should be, but everyone hears that warning bell and we all just need to trust in ourselves when we feel it.  A No! No! No!  that your body screams and scratches it’s way to warn you can be anything and from my experience, the feeling of being punched so hard in my stomach you literally have to catch your breath. The siren ringing in your ears and even and yes could have been disillusion the red flashing lights, and not red for love and glittering lights, no this was flashing red lights of turn around and leave immediately.  Do we listen?  Oh please that just wouldn’t be exciting enough… nope we have to sit through and endure the pain, ridicule, sadness, and behavior that leaves us wondering every night while lying in bed what  the hell were you thinking.  We need to learn to trust ourselves and quiet simply, if you cannot trust yourself how can you expect to trust another or put your trust in someone who is sharing a life with you.

My mom always referred to me as the Run-Away-Bride, you know the movie where Julia Roberts is engaged how many times but never quiet makes the actual “I Do’s” and flees down the isle leaving the poor groom in pieces.  She does it because she doesn’t know who she is, if they like scrambled egg she likes scrambled egg, they go through the whole egg scenario and each time she chooses and likes what he likes.  Now I’m not the one running out the church on my wedding day, what my mom means is how I conform to the man in my life ways, wants and needs and always putting mine aside to keep him happy, my favorite egg dish is Eggs Benedict and not even Johnny Depp himself who I have had a crush on for my whole life won’t change that.  So in the end Miss Roberts meets Mr Richard Gere and yes does flee from marrying him only to realize the error in her ways and enters a journey of finding herself.  Her likes her wants and her needs and in the end they get married and well hopefully live happily ever after.  It’s just a romcom so one never knows what happens after the music starts playing and credits are rolling, but we are left with our imaginations to figure out the rest.

I am strong in every aspect of my life and know exactly what I want and where I want to be, but in the game of love I suck!  It’s not even about attracting the same kind of person, OK  maybe because I do believe if you broken you meet a broken person and then you feed off each others broken and well obviously its a recipe for disaster.  Nope it’s, honestly just hard meeting someone who has the same ideas, listens to the same music and can ramble off a movie quote that you die laughing at how you have so much in common.

I always see the goodness in someone and overlook the bad.  I have been single for about  two years and yes have had the one or two that I have looked at as a prospect but fails dismally after a month or two.  Now if only I had just listened to the warning signs … lol.  The positive side to this is I have met many people and learnt a lot and have seen what my likes and dislikes are in a person.  If I am going to spend the rest of my life with him then this is not a tall order in knowing what is right and wrong for me.

I am quiet easy going, always laughing and really just live simply.  Yes I am crazy but its quirky and yes I can throw a tantrum but never disagreed that I am not a brat.  In the end I’m not asking for a house in the Swiss Alps or a Ferrari, to be wined and dined every day, diamonds and gold that I need body guards to protect me, holidays in France … I think you get my point.  OK maybe my handbags are my downfall and that my taste ranges from LV’s to Nine West but I buy them, it’s my spoil and its my treat to myself. Let’s not get started on perfumes because unless its Jean Paul Gaultier.

Mani, pedi and my hair done as often as I like, I do take care of my appearance but that’s because I have pride in myself and yes because my mother had a huge influence in that.  You can be ugly, beautiful, fat or thin if you don’t look after yourself and look the part then what is the point.  You would fail at making a good impression and wouldn’t feel confident about yourself.

So I actually quiet confidently know who I am and what I want, so that isn’t the problem.  I think that instead of listening to my intuition I go through the motions and give it  a chance, only to bump my head after.  Surely my positive outlook on life can influence even the darkest soul, so why not give it a chance.  As expected it doesn’t work, I leave shaking my head at how I saw this coming and promise myself never again.  It doesn’t end there though because he comes back, I have become such a force of who I am in his life that when I leave he feels it and we spend days backwards and forwards, fighting and crying at what we should have done and what we can change. The sad truth is things don’t change, it never does and we end up getting hurt more by trying to change and be with each other that we loose sight of who we actually are.

Even through my trials and tribulations and the consistency of my heart giving its all to love, there is that one person who just sees me for me, who is not trying to change who I am or who brings out more of who I am and who I never thought I would be.  He is there, I met him and spent time with him and chatted for hours on end getting to know each other…  But, and yes there is a but and no you shouldn’t start a sentence with “but”, but it is needed to make this point…. But, you can’t make someone love you or want to be with you or give you their commitment of happily ever after, just because you think its right.  It’s all about free will and have to let people be in your life to the capacity they can be as long as it’s for your good and makes you both happy and doesn’t harm or take away from either of you.  But, you can take how they make you feel and the impact they have on you as a person and use that to know what and who is right for you in your life.

We are all different and no two are alike, but there are some elements  that are the same in each other and that is why the whole Soul Connection or Kindred Spirit is spoken about.  It is there and we are all one step closer to having that. Clinton was mine and never thought it was even possible to meet someone who got me on a level that Clinton did, but I did and so it can happen we just need to embrace it not live in fear of it and just give love that inevitable chance.

If it doesn’t work, it’s not the end. It’s a journey not a death sentence and it’s there to enjoy.  Nothing feels like love does, that warm fuzzy feeling, stupid giggles and nervous behavior. Don’t judge it, don’t change it and don’t let it destroy you because then it isn’t love.

So love, love , love  with all you have and all you are and just enjoy it.  It is the strongest emotion that can bring your soul such happiness, why would we not want to feel it. Silly humans 🙂

I’m just saying…

XXX

The world is not enough…

A world made so beautiful by mankind who love it can also be a world made so ugly, it opens the wounds we longingly close to make us feel the pain.  Even though we so desperately want it healed and closed forever.  A scar remains, which is a remembrance of that pain but that’s all it is, a scar a remembrance that we have the power to heal to make things so beautiful as it once was and only we carry the ability in ourselves to do so.  Don’t we all want to grow strong from our mistakes and not dwell in the pity party of our minds, walk away from the ridicule and blame that can only lead us into a continuous chaotic destruction of a nothing.  We can only be effected by what we hear and if we choose to hear it and accept it then we going to keep loosing hope in ourselves.  If we ignore it and brush it off then that alone is a positive step in a direction.

The intention of being happy and making each day something a little extra special is within ourselves.  It costs nothing to be kind to others, smile at strangers – even if they think you a little mad.  Which I have to say constantly live  through daily, but that’s me and I like to think I bring some element  of joy to someones life even if they laugh about it years later… lol.  Treat your fellow mankind with love and respect.  Treat animals with love and kindness because they are the eternal at showering us with love and affection no mater the situation.  Treat others as we would like to be treated back and see what happens.

The world has become bleak and with every passing moment we have the ability to change it.  Maybe not for each other but at least for ourselves. To wake up each day and face another day is not about waking up and being grateful to be alive, it should be waking up  and looking forward to what the day brings and what you can do to make it epic.

There is love and light in all of us.  Some hide it far too well but I guarantee those same people when they hear a song play, see someone smile, or even remember a time when things were happy. They, in turn, will smile even from the dark corners of their heart and soul.  We all have it in us, we all have the love to give we just need to sacrifice our sadness and hatred and put what will make everyday a little more achievable at an excitable pace that we enjoy and love to gain our passion for living life back.

It all starts with you!

We are only human after all… lighten up a little and laugh a bit more.

XXX

The song that made my soul dance…

Close your eyes and just listen… Block out every sound, every disturbance and just listen.  Let go of the chaos and madness around you and just listen.  Feel the rhythm move it’s way through your body, the beat connecting with your heart, thumping along as one.  Feel the tones ignite your soul and Dance.

Now listen to it again but read the lyrics…

“Short Change Hero”

I can’t see where you comin’ from
But I know just what you runnin’ from:
And what matters ain’t the “who’s baddest” but
The ones who stop you fallin’ from your ladder, baby

And you feel like you feelin’ now
And doin’ things just to please your crowd,
When I love you like the way I love you,
And I suffer, but I ain’t gonna cut you ’cause

This ain’t no place for no hero.
This ain’t no place for no better man.
This ain’t no place for no hero
To call “home.”

This ain’t no place for no hero.
This ain’t no place for no better man.
This ain’t no place for no hero
To call “home.”

Every time I close my eyes, I think,
I think about you inside,
And your mother, givin’ up on askin’ why –
Why you lie, and you cheat, and you try to make
A fool outta she…

I can’t see where you comin’ from,
But I know just what you’re runnin’ from.
And what matters ain’t the “who’s baddest,” but the
Ones who stop you fallin’ from your ladder, ’cause

[3x]
This ain’t no place for no hero.
This ain’t no place for no better man.
This ain’t no place for no hero
To call “home.”

 

Music feeds my mind, body and soul.  This song connected with my soul in such a intense rhythmic manner that I now know what it feels like for my soul to connect back, to dance back.  The first note when I first heard it inflamed my skin with goose bumps, I felt every unwanted emotion leave my body and let this song consume me.

Never have I heard a song that had this effect on me…

Thank you for introducing me to this song… You will remain with me forever within my soul.

XXX