My Life My Rules…

Always my rules always my way…   mmmmmmmm  ja right!

Yes my rules and my way when I put my mind to something and in no way can anyone deter me from it.  No matter how idiotic or crazy or ridiculous it is, Cindy Visser wants to do it.  In fact I should be the spokesperson for Nike “Just Do It” because damn oh damn you bet your ass I will.

So the before stages of flashing red lights, sirens blaring , alarm bells are literally ringing I can feel the headache from the clang clang, the warnings, the advice, the suggestions and the advice… all this and I still do it.

Then during stages of oh for the love of Pete, Mary and all that is sacred because right then and there the realization sets in of the epic failure and completely and totally so wrapped up in the situation that escaping only offers two choices.  Stay and well you made you bed so sleep in it, I mean how bad can it be and a quick exit to the afterlife.  Apparently when it gets to this stage just actually saying the words… sorry but this is not working, or hell no I am not doing this anymore or just saying no more, doesn’t seem to even be around when you need those words the most.  Nope stay or die…

The after stages…Oh my hat, fuck that shit, sniff sniff sniff, why didn’t I listen, I knew this was going to happen, etc etc etc because that list could go on forever.  Lick the wounds, drink a bottle of wine and call your best friend in Cape Town at 2am blithering about the once again epic failure of a mistake you just put yourself through.  I mean honestly did you expect anything less?

Well yes, and that is sad.  No matter how I hear it over and over again, or how many times I put myself through it over and over again and no matter how many times my shed those heartbreaking tears, I am still very much going to do exactly what I want to do and no one will tell me any different including myself.

It’s a chance we take and the decision lies, would you rather wither up and die not knowing or just do it and wipe those tears but hell it was an adventure. Then maybe just maybe that one moment that one day that one mistake will turn into the best decision of your life and wouldn’t have known unless you tried.

Nothing Loved Is Ever Lost…. nothing!


Is age just a number?

The age old question, excuse the pun lol

Is age just a number?

Well yes in the  dictionary defined as :

‘an arithmetical value, expressed by a word, symbol, or figure, representing a particular quantity and used in counting and making calculations.’

So in the actuality of life and day to day a number is a number and we are ruled by numbers, because numbers literally make the world go round in the scientific spectrum of things all compromised of 0 and 1’s.

However, does it effect our emotions, our feelings, our state of mind… all these things that cannot be compromised of 0’s and 1’s?  No of course not yet we do let it dictate our lives to us and in this way make decisions based on 0’s and 1’s.

We are forced into making decisions based on numbers because society has dictated this.  Starting from the day we born until the day we die. When to walk when to talk when to read when to write when to start creche, school, when to work, when to get married, have children, retire and after that … well it’s either going to end well or end badly depending how we worked through our life according to numbers.

So when it comes to the heart… what then?  We told age makes a huge difference whether it be 5 to 20 years age gap with the man being older or the women being older.  Women being older is so very much frowned upon, but in today’s society where women are at the same level as men, with work and careers and lifestyle why would it make a difference.

I am 40 and how does 40 feel?  It feels 25, well for me it does, i can say that because i know how i felt at 25.  I don’t have kids I don’t have baggage and don’t live a lifestyle of how a 40 year old is perceived to live.  So in my circumstances dating someone who is 5 to 20 years older then me just doesn’t work for me.  I still go out and party like a rockstar.  I work hard during the day and at night don’t need to be in bed asleep by 8pm or 9pm because I am so tired from the day.  I dislike routine immensely because I don’t need to have routine in my life.  No dictation and besides the financial responsibility none of us can escape I have no responsibilities.

My ex boyfriend who I dated 4 years ago is now 25 years old, we dated for 2 years and it was definitely what I needed.  He taught me to have more fun, enjoy life a little more and not get pulled down by all the drama and sadness we find ourselves trapped in  Yes we met at a time my ex committed suicide so him being around was more meaningful to me then ever before.  But what was supposed to me a months visit turned into 2 years and it was wonderful.

So I find  myself in a situation which has been happening over the last two years since he left that I still get very young  interests who are interested in me.  Some will say because they looking for someone to take care of them, feed them and cloth them and look after them… nope not true.  The last guy i dated my age I was feeding and clothing his lazy ass.

Nope they want to work and they want to support and they want to contribute but mostly they looking for someone who is experienced and intellectual because think about it this generation was brought up when the world changed, people changed and had to bring up their children quickly and life skilled.  They having sex at an earlier age, partying and doing all the things we did into our adult years at a much earlier age so them being street smart at the age of 13 is a very noticeable thing.

I could go on and on about this topic because I have lived it, and yes respect it may not work for everyone but it does work for some and it works for me.

Happy loving