Always my rules always my way… mmmmmmmm ja right!
Yes my rules and my way when I put my mind to something and in no way can anyone deter me from it. No matter how idiotic or crazy or ridiculous it is, Cindy Visser wants to do it. In fact I should be the spokesperson for Nike “Just Do It” because damn oh damn you bet your ass I will.
So the before stages of flashing red lights, sirens blaring , alarm bells are literally ringing I can feel the headache from the clang clang, the warnings, the advice, the suggestions and the advice… all this and I still do it.
Then during stages of oh for the love of Pete, Mary and all that is sacred because right then and there the realization sets in of the epic failure and completely and totally so wrapped up in the situation that escaping only offers two choices. Stay and well you made you bed so sleep in it, I mean how bad can it be and a quick exit to the afterlife. Apparently when it gets to this stage just actually saying the words… sorry but this is not working, or hell no I am not doing this anymore or just saying no more, doesn’t seem to even be around when you need those words the most. Nope stay or die…
The after stages…Oh my hat, fuck that shit, sniff sniff sniff, why didn’t I listen, I knew this was going to happen, etc etc etc because that list could go on forever. Lick the wounds, drink a bottle of wine and call your best friend in Cape Town at 2am blithering about the once again epic failure of a mistake you just put yourself through. I mean honestly did you expect anything less?
Well yes, and that is sad. No matter how I hear it over and over again, or how many times I put myself through it over and over again and no matter how many times my shed those heartbreaking tears, I am still very much going to do exactly what I want to do and no one will tell me any different including myself.
It’s a chance we take and the decision lies, would you rather wither up and die not knowing or just do it and wipe those tears but hell it was an adventure. Then maybe just maybe that one moment that one day that one mistake will turn into the best decision of your life and wouldn’t have known unless you tried.
Nothing Loved Is Ever Lost…. nothing!