A bookshelf is a treasure chest for the mind.

So, I decided enough was enough. Continuous staring and pondering whether to read it or not reached its limits I mean with such a bright turquoise blue cover, with bright bold letters, shouting the title at you, the decision to read or not to read had to be tackled. This book has been sitting on my book shelf for months now, in fact its possibly years now… As I have no idea when I purchased this book or where I purchased it. In fact, it’s safe to say I have no idea which city I was in at the time.

It made the short trip to Richard’s Bay and back at the beginning of this year, and scary enough, it’s possible it made the trip 5 years ago, when I moved from Cape Town back to Joburg. That’s how ridiculous this is that I haven’t even read the first page.

So, last night I removed it from the shelf still fully intact, no scratches or doggy ear bends and no scrap of paper or book mark falling out of where I last read to. No, this book was still shiny and new, as if I bought it yesterday. Its turquoise cover looking soft and more inviting, the 600+ pages that once intimidated me, I now felt the eagerness to get stuck in. I bend back the pages lightly so I can breathe in the ink pages… totally the girl who smells every piece of paper I touch, glossy magazines being my favourite.

Holding the book in both hands excited at the anticipation of the impact this book Will have on my life. But… where will I get time to read it? No no can’t let the tired excuse of having no time stop me now. In any case its pure torture staring at unread books, sitting on my shelf, my little OCD in my life.

It was time to tackle this hindrance in my life and start putting into action what the title screams from its cover and probably first page…

Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff by Richard Carlson.

I’m dead serious!

I have absolutely no idea what attracted me to the book in the first place. I don’t do self helps, you’re the only one who knows you, how can a stranger who doesn’t know of your existence, help?

Then I thought back and wondered at what point in my life would I have bought this particular book, self-help on how to not stress about the little things in life.

Blank. Zip. Nada. Nothing.

Then I realise what difference does it make. Stress is part of our lives and on the increase. Ways to destress our lives are advertised and published in almost every magazine and daily on our radios and TVs. Physical activity, holidays, diet, glass of wine, etc. etc. etc. I always said show me how to not stress about things and I will gladly learn. So maybe this was it, all the little ways and guidelines, all compacted into this turquoise blue cover book, all there for me to learn.

Chapter 1 : Don’t sweat the small stuff…

I don’t know how long it will take and if I Will finish it. I guess I’m just glad I’m finally getting around to reading again.

My love for books forever.

XXX

Test of true friendship … only married friends invited…

So, while writing a blog yesterday to do with invite etiquette, which is still in progress and not ready for posting. One of the things you mention became a flurry of thought and I decided it needed a blog of its own.

So, before I get into it I have to mention It’s most certainly aimed at people in my life, more past life and a topic that actually been nagging at me for a while now. It’s pretty much being rearing its ugly head for a while now, and totally something I just don’t entertain because of personal experience, forget and move on. That’s until my mom mentioned it, but for the umpteenth time and I actually took notice. I’m not saying this is the exact reasoning behind long friendships terminated, but it sure as hell definitely makes a lot of sense.

The statement … “they think you will take their husbands because you single”

Is it possible the reasoning behind the fact that my lifelong friends are no more because me being single poses a threat? Could it be so simple minded and totally ridiculous?

OK so firstly this I know is a very extreme statement but I have heard the statement it’s because I’m single that I don’t crack the invite a few times but just ignored it.

Even writing this I’m hoping well if I’m wrong then maybe it will reach others who are experiencing this. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen because it very much does. I have seen and witnessed it, I just never thought I would fall into that bracket.

So, this is for the assumed home wreckers who actually are just enjoying the company of their friends.

Attention all married or dating friends, family or people I meet. Just because a person is single does not mean they are after your husbands or boyfriends or uncles or Aunts or whatever. I mean really? Are we still living such trivial close minded lives that this is the only food for thought.?

I got married young so never really got to experience being single while my friends were married or engaged. In fact, I was the only married one but still had my single friends around and it carried on as usual. Married because I could and not because I fell pregnant and was forced to.

So, married and divorced then a little while later married again. Thinking back now I remember saying to people I have friends that I only see when they’re single but when they’re involved no one else matters. So, I’m thinking they are so dedicated to that person mean while it’s because I’m a threat and don’t want me around their new Beau. Even while married after they met someone I saw them less than when they were single.

I then went through an unfortunate situation, I was widowed and flung into single hood not by choice. I think all I can say is I learnt to become very tough during that time, and 5 years later I am tougher, I don’t take shit from anyone and just don’t entertain peoples BS. It’s probably why I have very few friends and the ones I have now, saw me through my worst and lowest point of my life and never left or judged or ran. They like me for me, and surprisingly most didn’t even know what had happened, or the pain I was going through.

You know there is something to be said about being an only child. Your support structure is very flimsy so you find yourself latching onto all and sundry because we all need that person we can go to regardless of the situation and from what I have seen it’s a sibling. Yes, not all cases but in 99.8% of the time.

So, getting back to the main topic of this blog. It saddens me to have figured out the reason why I have no contact with my childhood hood friends is not because what I thought, that they had kids and I didn’t, or because they were married and I wasn’t, or because they socialize with married couples with kids and not single, motherless friends, and it’s a natural thing that happens I can deal with that and I did deal with it so it didn’t bother me if I never saw them. So now knowing it’s because I would steal their husband is just ridiculous and mind boggling.

Yes, it happens I know it does. But surely a friendship that began at toddler stage through trials and tribulations could not end because of something so trivial.

I think what makes it worse is at the worst time of my life when I needed that friend to just be there and not in the way to take over their life but just to know they there, I think that would have been so awesome. There was nothing, so when I needed a shoulder to cry on a stranger was all I had and on that I was judged too.

I could go on for days about this.

News flash ladies, me being single did not trigger a need for me to come after your man.

I just remember how awesome our social gatherings were when I was part of a married click of friends. Speaking to the husbands of my friends then was no different to me speaking to them now. My husband died, the last thing I wanted was another relationship and honestly what would the benefit have been flirting with them, I would have lost a friendship.

Funny how things turned out because I lost a friendship anyway so maybe I should have done it then that would give reason to cut me off.

Well we live and learn and I’m just glad I learnt. My alone time made me stronger and I got through the loss and pain. It made me love and appreciate being loved and appreciated and into the arms of a fantastic man.

You know what’s sad though, if any of them needed me I wouldn’t hesitate; it’s because I’m a better person and not because I forgave. I’m not a fool.

I’m just saying…

XXX

Forgiving the past to build our future

Is our world not enough…

Change, change, change. They say “a break is as good as a holiday” but with all the changes going on, a holiday seems more like a permanent vacation.

Stop! Breath! Relax! You can do this… New day, new opportunities, switch on the TV, have to keep on top of the day to day news. What you see today will definitely change tomorrow so focus. The only way they say is “to adapt”. Which is fine and can be managed but when the changes are daily and it’s not about your life, your stresses or the other little trials and tribulations effecting our lives. No no we now dealing with Defcon 5; stuff and it’s not overseas or the other end of Africa, nope it’s here on our door steps in sunny, animal kingdom, laid back and friendly South Africa.

What happened?

It’s politics and the economy, it’s crime and warfare, corruption and scandal. It’s frightening, confusing and completely crazy at the same time. You can’t seem to get away from the madness of its not the news, it’s the social media, it’s billboards, coffee break and supermarket ques, its everywhere. You can’t escape it.

Switching on the TV or radio has become anxiety all on its own. Your daily Social media peruse is no more quirky posts and happy birthday reminders. It’s just a constant reminder of just how things have changed, bitterness and constant reminders of the issues of the past. The pressure to adapt and accept, forgive and move on drums like a beat daring you to forget. It taunts and teases you from morning until night.

It’s been years, we changed, we have become humble and truly blessed to have experienced the magnitude of such change. History in the making and we are apart of it.

Adaption… Forgiveness….what happened? The chaos of the past has effected our lives and instead of moving forward we bolting backwards.

Have we really become a country of bitterness and so much hatred that learning from mistakes has no relevance and generations who weren’t even alive during the troubling time are just been taught to hate and instead of experiencing a new rainbow nation country they Harbour pain and anger of a past they were not apart of.

It’s a difficult one to understand.

I guess I just want to switch on the news and hear how beautiful South Africa is again, how South Africans filled with strength and courage, through perseverance and forgiveness, working together, fulfilling and inspiring the world-over.

Why aren’t we creating an inspirational story, that motivates and proves that we can overcome any challenge that we faced and are ready to face. The change began with us, for the world to watch and wait. Why not change for the better and not only for ourselves but for the remembrance of our past and generations of our future.

It can only come from forgiveness and the will to see beyond the fear that binds us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgive. Love. Peace.
Xxx