Grief That Binds Us

Isn’t it terrible how illness or death brings people together. I’m not talking about acquaintances I’m talking about family and lifelong friends that become your family.

Hearing such terrible news this morning about a family friend and felt soul destroyed at how to react. React in what my next step is in sending my thoughts and prayers and at a loss because I had no way of doing it.

Lifelong friends; and we haven’t spoken for 5 years. It truly saddens me that it’s got to this point in our life’s but I do know it’s because life is not what it used to be. Social media has kind of filled that gap of telephone calls or having a cup of coffee. Yes, there are social gatherings like birthdays or braai’s or drinks at the pub, but that’s on a broader scale. There is no more one on one interaction like a telephone call or cup of coffee between two people who are family and friends.

I’m unfortunately that person who loves with my heart and soul, gives everything I have, and more, and always at my expense and I’m always the one that is broken hearted and in tears.

This is not a “oh woe is me” moment. Nope it’s just reality and in all of this I only have myself to blame. I put my heart and soul into it and I’m at fault for having high expectations. Through the past five years it took a tragedy to show me truth. To teach me life lessons and many tears shed over my expectations of friends and family. It was a very long and hard road I walked but right now I’m in the best place I could ever wish for.

I’m now in the best space of mind, body and soul I have ever been and will never allow myself to go back.

So not even grief will change my new-found strength because it was grief that got me here.

Isn’t that a mind-blowing thought?

So, as I sit here writing this, I’m feeling angry with myself for feeling guilty because I will not allow myself to go back. Of course, I feel devastated by the news and of course I will feel that sadness, and I won’t allow this to destroy a friendship that had no reason to end like it did.

I’m just saying… With a broken heart.

XXX

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