Not my monkey not my circus!

They say it’s essential to keep toxic people out of your life especially if you are trying to live in peace and serenity.

If they make you unhappy or knowing that being in their company is going to cause you distress, then walk away.

Those constant discussions, and disagreements, that knowing of the inevitable ending of a failed resolution. It goes on and on like a stuck record at a stoner party, you can hear the constant note play over and over again but to listless to move it on. Not that I personally experienced a stoner party, but pretty much can visualize a 70s-party scene, way before my partying time.

It doesn’t matter who these people in your life are, the realization of not getting anywhere in resolving issues, has to force a decision in avoidance all together or keep going back in the hope of a different outcome… Really? I mean I amaze myself at how many times I can go down the same road, knowing full well it won’t turn out well, yet getting so upset at the outcome due to the ridiculous expectations I set.

Totally my fault of course, I take full responsibility due to my constant faith in hoping for a different outcome.

So, after the umpteenth time of frustration and tears and surprise nor the outcome I anticipated, enough was enough. Time for withdrawing myself from the situation and hurt.

So, after my final brush of tears from my already drenched cheeks… Wish it was that easy, decided I needed to pull away and break those bonds. Then with more frustration realised I had no idea how I was going to achieve this. I sat there for what felt like an eternity but was really only 5 Min, in complete silence and disbelief, that for the first time ever I had absolutely no idea what to do. Poor Ragnar with concern on his face, due to the too quiet moment I found myself in, probably thought I was heading for a complete meltdown as I just sat staring into space.

“I have no idea how to pullback” I mumble. The look of instant relief across Ragnar’s face that my possible melt down was just me having a quiet thought… Lol kak funny as I write this, Ragnar needs a medal for days like this.

Honestly though, no clue how to even begin as the situation is of a delicate nature.

So up to now and couple hours later I have managed to avoided a possible crises conversation. I’m going to keep reminding myself that taking one day at a time is the best I can do, because in this case, walking away completely, and due to circumstances, cannot be done right now. So, for now avoid discussions that I know will be chaotic, keep positive and always move forward.

All I’m saying… Lord please give me strength and Ragnar patience because we are all going to need it… Lol


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