Month: March 2020

I have honestly been through the good, the bad and the ugly.

Through this I have come to the same conclusion each time and that is, it’s not women who are complicated it’s the men that make us complicated. Women are naturally submissive in a relationship, loving their man instantly projects them into a space of loving and nurturing and its all to please the Mr in their lives. All a woman asks for and… OK well let me change that statement and say all “I” ask for… ‘me’, ‘Mrs’, ‘Cindy’, ‘love’, ‘babe’, ‘baby-girl’, ‘darling’, ‘sweetheart’, whoever I am to the person I am with. It’s all the same, I just want love, honesty, trust and respect. Mess with those four things and it would throw my emotions around and that’s when I would fall off balance. That’s when the complicated starts inside of me, the turmoil of feeling uneasy, unhappiness sets in, insecurity begins and the feeling of not been loved takes over…

All we want is to spend the rest of our life with this Man we have chosen, and yes things happen. Fights, work, families, life… it rears its nasty head and all hell breaks loose. But, that feeling that those four aspects bring to our hearts which creates the sense of safety and security can assist us in getting through any of these situations. Not having one of them, leads to endings rather than forever’s. Broken hearts are forever broken, they can never repair totheir full form, but rather look all stitched. Which in the end becomes a complicated heart, beating in a simple girl, which in the end makes her complicated.

I’m just saying…

XXX

My love for the moo moo.

It’s no secret my love for cows, I even at one stage had kitchenware and gimmicks of cows, cows cows everywhere.  I think I even had a handbag once in animal cow print, synthetic of course never the real thing. Through the years my love has not subsided and yes its quite funny because while driving down a road, or like in Richards Bay, standing on the side of the road actually the whole of KZN has its abundance of cows, everything comes to a standstill as I notice this beautiful creature with its big brown eyes and long eyelashes.

Oh course no one gets it and I get the very odd look while driving and I shout out excited “oh look at that cow” or “Cow! Cow!” even while typing this is does seem strange. However, it’s true I love cows I do. 

So now comes the question if I love them so much why do I eat them? The thing is growing up in South Africa and eating meat is born and bred in us. Nothing like tucking into a juicy piece of rump steak, medium to rare of course. Yummy!!!

Lol I’m getting ahead of myself, so yes how can I eat an animal I absolutely love… Well I tried to go vegetarian but I got so sick with anemia and it didn’t help that I already had an iron deficiency but when the cravings began it was ravenous. I swear watching The Twilight Saga had no patch and I was ready to pounce and bite anything raw.  So I decided going vegetarian wasn’t the best idea and had to not think about the cow or the lamb or hear Mary Had A Little Lamb playing in my head over and over again.

I love animals even more then human beings; actually a lot more than humans. I can’t watch movies with animals because it’s inevitable an animal will die in the movie. The Lion King just killed animation for me and watched Madagascar etc with such anguish I cried instead of laughed through the movies.

There was even that movie Hatchi a dog’s tail where the dog waits each day at the train station for its master to arrive home. I remember I told my friend who begged me to watch if the dog dies there will be hell. Well not reliving it but if you seen it you know how it ends.

Even the Facebook posts on cruelty to animals, I can’t stomach those and saddens me to my core of dispair that I don’t sleep.

So the point is I love animals and If I could would have my very own pet cow in the backyard named tinker bell or bell or daisy or whatever. I’m back on the idea of eating a morsel of steak brings me to tears so do the vegetarian thing again much to everyone’s horror. 

If I can do this for a short while then I think I’m giving of myself and showing my love for animals and the environment. It’s the right of way and course of nature I do not however condone the treatment of animals. Supply and demand supply snd demand it’s a necessity in our lives I understand that but to treat these living creatures in such an inhumane way…. Well that’s the part I struggle with the most. 

So yes I have issues about this. I struggle myself but at least I’m aware of it and trying. 

So day 1 of going vege and will see how it goes.

XXX

Loving all my fury fluffy four legged creatures we share this world with

Forgiveness…

Now that’s a word that if put into practice could bring you absolute peace of mind and basically make you a much happier person. Carrying around anger can only make you bitter and if you are bitter then you attract negativity and a cloud of unhappiness.

It’s God’s will is it not? To forgive. Now I’m not saying forgive and forget because we are human and that would take incredible strength and self-discipline; to just walk away and block out the forgiving situation. I’m yet to meet someone who has that ability. Would it be a good ability though?

How cold spirited and detached from life would you have to be to just switch your emotions off and on like that… How do you not feel bitterness after being disappointed or hurt or angered?

Something to think about?

I believe it’s nearly impossible to do both. Forgive yes but to forget never. I think the forget is not blocking it out of your sub conscience but to learn from the issue and move forward. To try not live through the same situation, but then as I said we are human so having to learn a few times over is natural as long as we keep moving forward.

As for forgiving, well it’s damn hard and me, myself and I had to make a decision to make peace with a situation or harbour those emotions and be angry and defeated all the time. It was the most difficult and trying situation to have ever put myself through and I have been through some life whoppers, but I can tell you it definitely was for the better and by not giving that situation the power to control my thoughts and emotions I felt that I won that war.

I believe it’s not so much forgiving that person but forgiving yourself; for putting yourself in the situation that brought pain or anguish and to make a promise that you will work hard not to put yourself in the exact or similar situation again, that next time listen to that inner voice or those feelings of uncertainty and tell yourself it’s ok it was a mistake and it’s made you just a little stronger… Then again, as I mentioned before, we are only human; mistakes are a given and we will spend our lives experiencing them over and over again.

The trick I guess is to keep learning, accept the lesson and move on. Isn’t it true that God wouldn’t put us in a situation if we couldn’t handle it?

Be gentle to yourself, forgive yourself and keep moving forward.

XXX