Month: June 2020

Series overload.

The addiction to series is, well to say the least completely, overwhelming. Not the fact that I love series but the overwhelming feeling of loss and withdrawal when the current series ends and you left wondering how could you possibly recover and what series is next to fill the gap of wanting more from the one you watched… It’s crazy honestly.

However it’s an addiction that if I had the addictive personality, would rather have a series addiction then any other.

I think I have watched Homeland all the seasons up to date 4 or 5 times. Game of Thrones and Vikings I cant even count how many times. Lucifer, The Following, the list is endless. Recently gave Chicago fire a try and addicted to that and Gray’s Anatomy which I never thought I would ever watch, its just mental.

I also realised that I cannot watch an episode and wait a week to watch the next one, so I download all at once then have the challenge of pacing myself or I end up binge watching all night long… It’s honestly my Kryptonite.

Is it a bad thing? Well I don’t think it is unless you skipping work or responsibility to get your next episode fix or you spend your salary on data to download because you have no patience to wait for the next episode… lol sounds like it could get the better of you… I wonder if a person could get to that point? Do people like this really exist? Gamers seem more likely candidates.. Lol and how do you recover? Maybe open rehabs for series addicts where TVs are banned and any talk of series is prohibited. That’s just mental because drug rehabs keep a person occupied with TV so how do you keep the series addict occupied… With Drugs? lol

All jokes aside, any addiction is bad and of course it’s a serous situation having known people who got hooked and there with no return. I’m really just bantering here… Keeping life funny I Guess.

So yes I’m definitely guilty for advertising a series I love on FB to influence friends to watch it and get excited at hearing who is watching what and to find the next download. I don’t get people who hate watching TV so having a conversation with them is for me so futile, you just hope you find that common ground that doesn’t involve the box or big screen. You hoping that your little bit of everything else gets you through the interaction because while you get your time-limited basic info from the News on TV, they’re getting the actual story and more from newspapers and the Internet.

Then again you could just skip all that and let them talk about their job or other things that you just don’t know how to talk about, well you probably do but don’t throw that funny one liner in because they won’t get it.

Each to their own no judgement, but I have met a handful and honestly found it difficult to have a conversation. I could not quote a famous line or get excited over going to see a real cool movie in VIP. It’s just challenging to say the least so I end up just listening to them and adding a comment here and there so we can connect on some level.

Yes and I know we are referred to as couch potatoes or being lazy and yes have been told how boring it must be and yes reminded of how much of life I’m missing out on… Lol have you read my blog? I have had many adventures and more, I work all day and sleep at night and still make time for a series or two.

I do find the movie and series buffs seem to have more light-hearted look on life. I mean a Comedy can make you laugh and animation feel young at heart. That horror that gets your heart pumping or the thriller that keeps your mind guessing, it’s just a place to switch off from reality of what’s actually going on. It’s a place where you suspend your disbelief and live in that imaginative world that keeps you safe and happy inside.

Im just saying. No judgment at all… It’s just a funny way of looking at life.

XXX

Things I have learnt up to now.

What happens today may not happen tomorrow or the same daily routine you have followed for weeks. Months or even years without any warning will change and leaves you in chaos.

In freight, we refer to rates as volatile because unlike years ago, rates were valid for a year and nothing could change it. Today it’s chaos it changes daily and can only be valid month to month.

That’s life, isn’t it? I mean if you sit and think back to a few years back, maybe 5 or maybe 10 and you will notice how things have changed. Not the obvious changes like price hikes and vat increase, no I’m talking about people. Friends, family, husbands and wives even kids, even work colleagues or acquaintances things have definitely changed. It’s as if human beings aren’t acting human anymore. Emotions seem to be null and void and WhatsApping rather than face to face has taken over.

It’s not strangers or acquaintances or even work colleagues, this is spouses or partners. Family and friends who have forgotten what a conversation is all about and rely on social media. It’s completely left us disconnected that sending your husband a lengthy very well presented WhatsApp message of matters of the heart rather than sitting face to face.

Has it really become that? We’ve lost the ability to talk, just talk.

Even friends come and go and I think back now of the childhood friends I had, blood sisters and all of that. Declaring to remain friends for life no matter what….

Yes, I look back because those friends are all gone. Living their own lives, their own friends and in a day everything has changed.

Meeting new people can be extremely volatile and chaotic. Having to trust someone new in the hope they are genuine and could never happen to you that they just con’s or users. I have learnt the hard way, from the actual con to the butter doesn’t melt in their mouth person. I saw the con coming and prepared myself but the other a complete surprise.

So, we don’t put ourselves out there or we take the chance in the hope that it could be real. We become hermits locked in our worlds to keep the others out and in the end the loneliness consumes us until we are forced to put ourselves back out there bitter and broken and end up meeting the exact people we’ve being trying to avoid.

I have had the best friendships and relationships with people I just met and I’ve been badly hurt by the ones I knew my whole life… You just never know and never see it coming.

You can’t shut out the world you can only adapt and be weary and in this case, appreciate the social media frenzy in using the tools to get to know someone before attempting to meet them. Then again those haven’t worked out to well either in cases you hear daily.

WE have to just realize that people and the world and the life we lived 10 years ago, is different. We’ve become tougher and harder and becoming more and more of “each for themselves society”. I don’t say join the forces but try to be street smart and vigilant.

Keep the face to face conversations for family and friends and especially spouses and partners because face to face anything is possible and that interaction can only be good for you.

And the rest… Social media and keep the communication clear and trust that intuition. Honestly has it ever been wrong and how many more times do you want to get burned.

WE live we regret or loose and we learn… Most of the time. We are only human after all… remember to breath and then down that glass of Merlot.

I love you…

There is always that one, that they say, that we meet.   The person our heart and soul connects with from the word go.  The one who mends the broken bits of our eternal shattered hearts, some lucky not to live through it others not so lucky.  The one who we change bad habits for because they are the one worth changing for.  The point is there is that someone, its true.  All the stories you read about, all the movies you watch or all the songs no matter how old or new, has that story to tell of finding that one.

It’s not all roses and sunshine of course.  Don’t be fooled as they also show up as wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing and yes maybe we not nearly as intuitive as we should be, but everyone hears that warning bell and we all just need to trust in ourselves when we feel it.  A No! No! No!  that your body screams and scratches it’s way to warn you can be anything and from my experience, the feeling of being punched so hard in my stomach you literally have to catch your breath. The siren ringing in your ears and even and yes could have been disillusion the red flashing lights, and not red for love and glittering lights, no this was flashing red lights of turn around and leave immediately.  Do we listen?  Oh please that just wouldn’t be exciting enough… nope we have to sit through and endure the pain, ridicule, sadness, and behavior that leaves us wondering every night while lying in bed what  the hell were you thinking.  We need to learn to trust ourselves and quiet simply, if you cannot trust yourself how can you expect to trust another or put your trust in someone who is sharing a life with you.

My mom always referred to me as the Run-Away-Bride, you know the movie where Julia Roberts is engaged how many times but never quiet makes the actual “I Do’s” and flees down the isle leaving the poor groom in pieces.  She does it because she doesn’t know who she is, if they like scrambled egg she likes scrambled egg, they go through the whole egg scenario and each time she chooses and likes what he likes.  Now I’m not the one running out the church on my wedding day, what my mom means is how I conform to the man in my life ways, wants and needs and always putting mine aside to keep him happy, my favorite egg dish is Eggs Benedict and not even Johnny Depp himself who I have had a crush on for my whole life won’t change that.  So in the end Miss Roberts meets Mr Richard Gere and yes does flee from marrying him only to realize the error in her ways and enters a journey of finding herself.  Her likes her wants and her needs and in the end they get married and well hopefully live happily ever after.  It’s just a romcom so one never knows what happens after the music starts playing and credits are rolling, but we are left with our imaginations to figure out the rest.

I am strong in every aspect of my life and know exactly what I want and where I want to be, but in the game of love I suck!  It’s not even about attracting the same kind of person, OK  maybe because I do believe if you broken you meet a broken person and then you feed off each others broken and well obviously its a recipe for disaster.  Nope it’s, honestly just hard meeting someone who has the same ideas, listens to the same music and can ramble off a movie quote that you die laughing at how you have so much in common.

I always see the goodness in someone and overlook the bad.  I have been single for about  two years and yes have had the one or two that I have looked at as a prospect but fails dismally after a month or two.  Now if only I had just listened to the warning signs … lol.  The positive side to this is I have met many people and learnt a lot and have seen what my likes and dislikes are in a person.  If I am going to spend the rest of my life with him then this is not a tall order in knowing what is right and wrong for me.

I am quiet easy going, always laughing and really just live simply.  Yes I am crazy but its quirky and yes I can throw a tantrum but never disagreed that I am not a brat.  In the end I’m not asking for a house in the Swiss Alps or a Ferrari, to be wined and dined every day, diamonds and gold that I need body guards to protect me, holidays in France … I think you get my point.  OK maybe my handbags are my downfall and that my taste ranges from LV’s to Nine West but I buy them, it’s my spoil and its my treat to myself. Let’s not get started on perfumes because unless its Jean Paul Gaultier.

Mani, pedi and my hair done as often as I like, I do take care of my appearance but that’s because I have pride in myself and yes because my mother had a huge influence in that.  You can be ugly, beautiful, fat or thin if you don’t look after yourself and look the part then what is the point.  You would fail at making a good impression and wouldn’t feel confident about yourself.

So I actually quiet confidently know who I am and what I want, so that isn’t the problem.  I think that instead of listening to my intuition I go through the motions and give it  a chance, only to bump my head after.  Surely my positive outlook on life can influence even the darkest soul, so why not give it a chance.  As expected it doesn’t work, I leave shaking my head at how I saw this coming and promise myself never again.  It doesn’t end there though because he comes back, I have become such a force of who I am in his life that when I leave he feels it and we spend days backwards and forwards, fighting and crying at what we should have done and what we can change. The sad truth is things don’t change, it never does and we end up getting hurt more by trying to change and be with each other that we loose sight of who we actually are.

Even through my trials and tribulations and the consistency of my heart giving its all to love, there is that one person who just sees me for me, who is not trying to change who I am or who brings out more of who I am and who I never thought I would be.  He is there, I met him and spent time with him and chatted for hours on end getting to know each other…  But, and yes there is a but and no you shouldn’t start a sentence with “but”, but it is needed to make this point…. But, you can’t make someone love you or want to be with you or give you their commitment of happily ever after, just because you think its right.  It’s all about free will and have to let people be in your life to the capacity they can be as long as it’s for your good and makes you both happy and doesn’t harm or take away from either of you.  But, you can take how they make you feel and the impact they have on you as a person and use that to know what and who is right for you in your life.

We are all different and no two are alike, but there are some elements  that are the same in each other and that is why the whole Soul Connection or Kindred Spirit is spoken about.  It is there and we are all one step closer to having that.

If it doesn’t work, it’s not the end. It’s a journey not a death sentence and it’s there to enjoy.  Nothing feels like love does, that warm fuzzy feeling, stupid giggles and nervous behavior. Don’t judge it, don’t change it and don’t let it destroy you because then it isn’t love.

So love, love , love  with all you have and all you are and just enjoy it.  It is the strongest emotion that can bring your soul such happiness, why would we not want to feel it. Silly humans 🙂

I’m just saying…

XXX