Author: Cindy Visser

Is it possible to reach a point in life where your spirituality, your existence and the realization of your life purpose all come together and all the uncertainty you ever felt or had just vanishes?  Or do we constantly search for the one or the other never actually feeling all three connect?

In my case my spirituality and my existence of living for the now are one and the same and have reached a level where I am so in touch with reality and life that the ending to any situation any story or any new beginning is almost a given and I know exactly what the outcome will be before I venture into it.

People and places of habit have become boring and their fickle ways and lives of boredom I find just bores me.  The once excitement of what the next encounter would bring is just another dull page in the day to day living of my life and that is when the question plagues me again… what the hell is my purpose.

I decided I am bored, bored of life, bored of friends, bored of new faces and bored of old faces.  Places, situations, conversations, trial and tribulations, dreams and goals – it’s always the same.  I have often wondered if I had had children would I have all this time to think all this time to be bored and all this time to ponder of what I need and what I want and how to fulfill my life without being bored…

Do I create the drama that unfolds because quiet is too boring or do I need drama to bring excitement …? Questions questions questions… a million and one questions that I’m now on a journey to discover and have set myself a goal, a challenge to take on that will quieten my busy mind.

The Artist’s Way – Julia Cameron

“A course in discovering and recovering your creative self” – I have the creativity I just lack the motivation and if it helps me to reconnect with my creative side then maybe I can just bring myself that peace of mind I long for.

Just maybe…

Day 1 – Today… So I have set myself this challenge and will tackle this 12-week course starting tonight… notebook ready for notes and motivation lingering on excitement to start and excitement to end and wondering what it will inspire.  However, I have owned this exact copy for 5 years and always get to the point of starting.  Chapter 1, pages are bent and raffled from being read and re-read but after that, Chapter 2 its perfection, not a single page being touched or flipped through, just brand-new pages waiting to be turned, waiting to be discovered and waiting to find that creativity that lingers in my soul.

Let’s see shall we.

XXX

I have honestly been through the good, the bad and the ugly.

Through this I have come to the same conclusion each time and that is, it’s not women who are complicated it’s the men that make us complicated. Women are naturally submissive in a relationship, loving their man instantly projects them into a space of loving and nurturing and its all to please the Mr in their lives. All a woman asks for and… OK well let me change that statement and say all “I” ask for… ‘me’, ‘Mrs’, ‘Cindy’, ‘love’, ‘babe’, ‘baby-girl’, ‘darling’, ‘sweetheart’, whoever I am to the person I am with. It’s all the same, I just want love, honesty, trust and respect. Mess with those four things and it would throw my emotions around and that’s when I would fall off balance. That’s when the complicated starts inside of me, the turmoil of feeling uneasy, unhappiness sets in, insecurity begins and the feeling of not been loved takes over…

All we want is to spend the rest of our life with this Man we have chosen, and yes things happen. Fights, work, families, life… it rears its nasty head and all hell breaks loose. But, that feeling that those four aspects bring to our hearts which creates the sense of safety and security can assist us in getting through any of these situations. Not having one of them, leads to endings rather than forever’s. Broken hearts are forever broken, they can never repair totheir full form, but rather look all stitched. Which in the end becomes a complicated heart, beating in a simple girl, which in the end makes her complicated.

I’m just saying…

XXX

My love for the moo moo.

It’s no secret my love for cows, I even at one stage had kitchenware and gimmicks of cows, cows cows everywhere.  I think I even had a handbag once in animal cow print, synthetic of course never the real thing. Through the years my love has not subsided and yes its quite funny because while driving down a road, or like in Richards Bay, standing on the side of the road actually the whole of KZN has its abundance of cows, everything comes to a standstill as I notice this beautiful creature with its big brown eyes and long eyelashes.

Oh course no one gets it and I get the very odd look while driving and I shout out excited “oh look at that cow” or “Cow! Cow!” even while typing this is does seem strange. However, it’s true I love cows I do. 

So now comes the question if I love them so much why do I eat them? The thing is growing up in South Africa and eating meat is born and bred in us. Nothing like tucking into a juicy piece of rump steak, medium to rare of course. Yummy!!!

Lol I’m getting ahead of myself, so yes how can I eat an animal I absolutely love… Well I tried to go vegetarian but I got so sick with anemia and it didn’t help that I already had an iron deficiency but when the cravings began it was ravenous. I swear watching The Twilight Saga had no patch and I was ready to pounce and bite anything raw.  So I decided going vegetarian wasn’t the best idea and had to not think about the cow or the lamb or hear Mary Had A Little Lamb playing in my head over and over again.

I love animals even more then human beings; actually a lot more than humans. I can’t watch movies with animals because it’s inevitable an animal will die in the movie. The Lion King just killed animation for me and watched Madagascar etc with such anguish I cried instead of laughed through the movies.

There was even that movie Hatchi a dog’s tail where the dog waits each day at the train station for its master to arrive home. I remember I told my friend who begged me to watch if the dog dies there will be hell. Well not reliving it but if you seen it you know how it ends.

Even the Facebook posts on cruelty to animals, I can’t stomach those and saddens me to my core of dispair that I don’t sleep.

So the point is I love animals and If I could would have my very own pet cow in the backyard named tinker bell or bell or daisy or whatever. I’m back on the idea of eating a morsel of steak brings me to tears so do the vegetarian thing again much to everyone’s horror. 

If I can do this for a short while then I think I’m giving of myself and showing my love for animals and the environment. It’s the right of way and course of nature I do not however condone the treatment of animals. Supply and demand supply snd demand it’s a necessity in our lives I understand that but to treat these living creatures in such an inhumane way…. Well that’s the part I struggle with the most. 

So yes I have issues about this. I struggle myself but at least I’m aware of it and trying. 

So day 1 of going vege and will see how it goes.

XXX

Loving all my fury fluffy four legged creatures we share this world with